NYC is A Dirty Bird

While thumbing threw a Metro NY during my morning commute, I spot a quote from a New York Critical Mass Rider regarding his decision to start biking it after the somewhat recent subway fare hike. "I was willing to pay $1.50 to go underground and ride in a hot, sweaty place with people who hate me," he said, "but it wasn't worth $2.00." I immediately felt a rant coming on: actually, my cycling friend, not only are the subways expensive and hot -- they're dirty! And, you know, it's not just the subways ... this whole city is really dirty. I mean dirty, as in, rats outnumber people by a 9-to-1 ratio dirty. Dirty, as in, you should spell the word with "U"s duuuurty. Dirty, as in, when you wash your hair after a full day out on the town, the shampoo lather turns a little brown dirty. Dirty, as in, milk expires faster here than in the rest of the region because there's a greater chance that it fell off of a truck, a rat pissed it in or god knows what else happened to it before you poured it into your digestive tract dirty. Dirty, as in, I think Colin Farrell's dick is cleaner than this place dirty.