The "Third Date" Rule
Everyone has different ideas about when you should infuse a dating relationship with sex. Apparently, the widely accepted "third date" rule no longer holds true. First of all, in New York, I've been told that it's the "second date" rule. Secondly, everyone has different ideas about what time is the right time. Tyrone says that women, if they want a particular guy to like them, should only have sex after 55 hours of contact:
X greater than 55 = sex X less than 55 = no sex
"Really," he says, "how well can you really get to know someone before 55 hours of contact anyway???" How he came up with "55", I do not know, but Sarah always has sex on the first date if she likes the guy:
Like guy = yes = sex Like guy = no = no sex
A friend from my gym, Tonya, says that you should only have sex after two months from the first date if you see the guy once a week or after three weeks from the first date if you see the guy more than once a week:
First date + (# of dates / 2 months) OR First date + (# of dates / 3 weeks)
What's with all of the counting? In my opinion, it's this: women are afraid that, if they sleep with guys "too early", they'll think they're easy and stop seeing them.
Why this topic?
Well ... yesterday, a very handsome and incredibly sexy (and of course, foreign) man, Fernando, called me again. I met him last Sunday and we shared great conversation over drinks. Since then, we've exchanged a couple of emails and telephone calls. We've also enjoyed one unbelievably passionate kiss. We're going out this weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. No worries. Vince Vaughn be damned, just this once, for a change, I'm gonna be like the girl in the PG13 movie that everybody's really hoping makes it happen, not like the girl in the rated R movie. Why? Because, I think there's a possibility that I could actually like this guy and I don't want to blow it.
By the way, I switched templates for my blog. Like the new look?
posted by Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com at 8/11/2005
16 Comments:
The only dating rules that anyone should follow are the ones they made when they were in jr high. Those ones all turned out true for me...all the ones I made up when I was older all turned out false.
The new template is cool.
13:49
every rule you try will be the wrong one
just do what you think best and no regrets
edna million
15:19
Thanks for the comment.
By the way, I've switched templates once on my blog and I almost destroyed my original info. I am thinking about switching it again. What did you do to get everything back where you wanted it, after the switch?
17:14
What's really needed is a Dating Slide Rule. You know, you set it at the start to work out when it's going to happen, euphemistically speaking, that is.
You can recalculate and reset it as you go along, for instance, if you start out on the 'one date a week' programme, but suddenly mid-way through you speed it up to, god forbid, the two dates a week programme.
What's with all of the counting? In my opinion, it's this: women are afraid that, if they sleep with a guy "too early", he'll think she's easy and he'll stop seeing her.
If the guy really likes the girl, it doesn't matter if after a really good first date she decides to sleep with him. He isn't going to think any lesser of her or see her any differently. Men don't think women are easy or not easy, I don't know any friends who think this way (not on this side of the pond, at least).
Let's be honest, the only reason he's not going to see her again after sleeping with her on the first date is if he wasn't really into her in the first place…
BTW - layout is cool.
09:28
Thanks for all of the comments / suggestions / food for thought re: "how early is too early."
Lots to think about ...
Stolie
21:51
I didnt google my way here, but I love it none the less.
02:08
Awww, thanks!!!
05:57
On the third date, I have a hand on the knee rule, and see what happens after that.
Once or twice I have done this, only to have a verbal face slapping, which saves both of us a lot of hassle in the long run.
I was so keen on one girl once, and also so scared that I would ruin the dates, I waited far too long, and after about the 12th date, did the hand on the knee, only to have such a telling off, and she made a big thing about only going out with me for a non serious relationship.
I bit my tongue, but just wanted to ask her if non serious sex was out of the question . . . .
05:01
Ooooh! Hands on knees are sexy. I love it when that happens.
It's that flirty, sexy and intimate feeling that occurs when you're touched in a place that: (1) isn't a sex organ but (2) is a warm place that generally doesn't get touched on a regular basis. Knee, side of the neck, thighs, etc. Yeah, that's hot.
By the way, call me asocial, but I think that it would have been pretty funny if you would've asked her your question. "Um ... excuse me, but ..."
07:05
I go by the five minute rule.
If it's not a sure thing in five minutes, there's plenty of gals in the bar who will.
By the way, men love sluts
09:22
To each his own. Still, I'm shocked by the number of people googling around about the 3rd date.
18:08
in my experience, how soon physical activity occurs has no correlation to how long the relationship lasts. Yes I do know some guys who won't go out with a chick again if he sleeps with her the first night. Wait, that's not true, he'll go out with her again, if going to her place to get some counts as going out. That's neither here nor there. There is no magic bullet.
I prefer to wait (although I'm not always successful) just for the sheer fact that I'm not a fan of casual encounters. I like there to be true feeling in what I'm doing. Thus far I'd say I'm at a 50:50 ratio. Which is better than the 30:70 ratio I was working with before. I've always been more reserved in my mind than I've been in action. Go figure.
20:06
I think I'm more reserved in action than I am in my mind. If I actually executed every thought that was in my mind: my most recent ex would be dead, I'd be living in Argentina and I'd have published 3 horrible books.
10:56
wow.. we were just talking about something similar over on our blog. it was the 3 month rule not the three date but still it's strange that you were on the same page.
17:05
Oooh, the 3 month rule? That's an interesting one. :)
17:47
Went on my second date last night, (1st date was accidental touching hands, 2nd was casual kissing) Not sure about the 3rd date rule, but each to her (or his) own.
Great blog btw.
Gemma
18:57
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