A Word on Marriage
I mean it when I say that I read about a gazillion different blogs. It’s nice to peer into the lives of strangers. Bloggers that make me laugh or feed my celebrity gossip fetish. Bloggers that attend med school or surf in Canada. Bloggers that live in New York City [1, 2, 3, etc.], Chicago, 8 mile, Texas, in undisclosed locations, or elsewhere in the US and abroad. I even read the blog of a woman who doesn’t know that I am 1,000 miles away in my tiny NYC apartment cheering for her: you can do it!”
This morning I read two different posts about marriage and divorce. I believe in long-term partnerships, but I don’t believe in marriage. Americans marry at a higher rate than anyone else in the western world. We also divorce at higher rates. But, tell anyone that this is a sign that something is rotten in the state of Denmark and you’ll strike a nerve really fast.
The Failures
If, during your morning or evening commute, the train conductor announces, “okay people, I’ve just been informed that this train has a 50% chance of derailing.” Clearly, there’s something wrong with the train, not with the people that choose to get off of it. Similarly, when the divorce rate in our country is over 50%, I know that there is something wrong with the institution of marriage, not with those individuals that choose to divorce. Oh, but people go into marriage thinking that they can just divorce at any time, so I’ve been told. But, you know what? I don’t believe that. I truly believe that most people don’t expect the majority of the things that happen to them. Life, like shit, just happens.
Domestic Partnerships
It’s only a matter of time. The U.S. will allow marriage for all -- gay, straight or otherwise -- because, when its operating at its best (... and that isn't always .... a point for a different post ...), America believes that equality and individual freedom matter. And, exactly how equal and free is a society in which most opposite-sex couples can marry (but not establish domestic partnerships) and same-sex couples can establish domestic partnerships (but not marry). It’s silly. My employer honors domestic partnerships. If I fall in love and allow Josette Doe to move into my apartment with me, my health insurance plan covers her and she will receive payouts from my life insurance if I pass away. After all, it’s a domestic partnership isn’t it? If I fall in love and allow Juan Doe to move in with me, my health insurance plan won’t cover him and he’s shit out of luck if I pass away. We’re just shacking up, right? I say: grant all couples the right to marry or establish domestic partnerships -- whichever they choose.
Agree, disagree or discuss if you’d like …
posted by Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com at 9/30/2005
4 Comments:
stolie, i agree with you fully, over here in canada. i'm not sure i believe in marriage myself since my whole life i've just seen miserable marriages, even if they DID stay together - it offers me little hope. but since i believe in long-term partnerships of equality, i wonder what kind of failure/disappointment i might be setting myself up for since i'm the woman and my biggest fear is being "left" with a child, if he should decide he can't do this anymore. what are my rights in a l-t partnership? will i even want to exercise them after he leaves (depending what the reason is?)
at any rate, i'm currently dating someone who's been divorced once before and i wonder what his thoughts on the topic are re: remarriage, that is. it's too early to ask such a question, but i'm curious nonetheless. (it's too early bc i'm not sure how i feel about the whole situation myself)
_
09:13
I'd like to believe in marriage because I'd like to be married some day. I do not believe I have always been ready for it, nor do I believe everyone can handle being married.
Why swear before G-d and a bunch of witnesses to love, honour, cherish, blah blah blah, till death do you part if you're just going to treat it like every other promise you make to someone and drop them on their ass and walk off at the first sign of difficulty?
There was a time when one's word was bond and calling someone a liar could end up getting one killed. The world has changed and with some people you can only count on the particular split second you're with them. And sometimes you can't even count on that.
17:35
Thanks for the link, Stolie!
I agree that we should be able to chose between domestic partnerships and marriage with clear levels of responsibility and obligation for each option. Personally, I think that divorce is a little too easy. For that matter, marriage and parenthood (for some people) is too easy. There are no classes or requirements. Any yahoo can marry any idiot 24 hours after they first meet in Las Vegas and no one says anything. Any nimrod can chose to not seek the proper prenatal care (I'm not talking about the people who can't get care, just those who don't chose to).
My husband and I will celebrate the tenth aniversary of our first date in one week and we have been happily married for six and a half years. I think marriage is great. I think that people should be responsible about it. Take those vows seriously or don't take them at all.
Well, you asked! :)
22:09
Hmmm ... Random Thought: If you've read about the ins and outs of someone's life over a period of days, weeks, or years and you've commented on that life (and they've done the same regarding yours) *BUT* you've never met that person, does that person still qualify as a complete "stranger" just as, say, persons about which you know absolutely nothing about that walk by you on the street on any given day?
After giving this question a bit more thought, I decided to change the word "strangers" to "bloggers" in this post.
Now for the comments ....
1. Exactly. This is the problem with the dual system. If your employer (or entire country) recognizes same-sex domestic partnerships only, the pair "missanon#1 and missanon#2" have rights re: insurance and benefits, taxes, estate planning and retirement, and children. However, the cohabiting pair "missanon and mranon" don't.
2. Agreed. The world has, indeed, changed it seems. Sometimes the change has been good. Sometimes it has been bad.
3. Thanks for commenting! Life is most interesting when two or more individuals disagree, yet still respect each other's opinions.
My sister has been married to the same wonderful man for 12 years and they have two beautiful children together, my nephews. For them, marriage works. It really does. I'm just saying that I want the right to choose to kick it with the same man for my entire life Tim-Robbins-and-Susan-Sarandon style. I love that couple and, by the way, he is a very attractive older man isn't he? ;)
Stolie
08:05
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