Round Two: Stolie, The Spankmaster

My friend, Bro, rarely reads my blog. I guess she doesn’t have to; we’ve known each other for 12 ½ years and we talk to each other on the phone almost everyday. However, sometimes I’ll blog about something that I haven’t had the opportunity to tell her about yet (or I just didn’t think it was important enough to mention) and she gets a little freaked out about this: “I had to read about [insert random thing] on your blog?!?!?! You didn’t even tell me!” ... Such was the case last night. Bro and I are on the phone and we are both multitasking. She’s reading BBC news and I’m cleaning out my email account’s inbox. She mentions that she hasn’t checked out my blog in a while and makes a visit to the funkbrownchick dot blogspot dot com. BRO: (disgusted) What is this? You wrote freaking Greek on your blog? Nobody wants to read that ... Oh, I like the ... Wait ... Wait a minute ... What is this? … Ewwwwww! ME: What?! BRO: You spank men? I’m so disturbed. ME: Yeah, I … BRO: (ignoring me, but still reading the blog) No, it’s never 50/50 and I don’t think that I go for alpha males, but … Wait. This is really freaking me out. You spank men? I didn’t know this about you. Maybe I’m just not violent ... Should I be more violent, sexually? Maybe I’m missing something: you’re talking about it, everyone is talking about it ... It’s like this whole underground spanking thing. ME: Bro, it’s not … BRO: Whoa. I can’t believe I read what I think I just read. ‘You will get spanked.’ Ewwwwww! Did you tell Mags about this?! I’m really going to have to think about this. Do you spank everybody or just boyfriends? Is it just the boyfriends? Or, do you spank strangers, too? ME: What?! Put it this way: every man I’m intimate with gets spanked. Hans? Spanked. Le Canadien? Spanked. BRO: Ewwww. You spanked Le Canadien? ME: You’re too funny. I’m sooooo gonna blog about this on Monday. BRO: Yeah, right. Tell everybody that Bro is thinking about how to make her sexual experiences more dominating. Hell, solicit advice while you’re at it. Maybe I’m too boring and I should know more techniques … Wow, I can’t believe you spank people … It doesn’t freak me out but it kind of does. I just think if you spank them, then they’ll want you to start being their mommy, and then they’re wearing diapers. It’s a slippery slope, my friend, a slippery slope. Did you see that Sex in the City episode where Samantha wore nipples and the guy spoke baby talk to her? ME: No. I didn’t see … BRO: I feel like I should be more kinky. But, I’ve never really had the urge to spank anyone. It’s not something that has ever appealed to me. Truly. Not ever. I’ve never understood it. I don’t get it. It doesn’t turn me on. It doesn’t do anything for me. It’s not ever anything that I’ve taken seriously. ME: They like it. I like it. BRO: I guess it’s okay ... I don’t know. ME: Okay, now I really think I’m gonna use this conversation in my blog on Monday. BRO: Do. But, you tell everyone that I supported you. You tell them that Bro said, ‘spank away, my friend, spank away.’ Write that in your blog, missy! Conversation reprinted with permission from Bro. Love ya, girl! *mwah*