Sadistic “Will” & Masochistic “Grace”

Bruce is my new GBF (Gay Best Friend) in New York. We have a love / hate relationship; therefore, watching the two of us interact is like watching two midget clowns fight each other. Sure, it’s kind of funny and maybe it’s even a little bit cute, but it’s also a train wreck. EXAMPLE #1: Bruce sings karaoke. While he’s on stage, I dart through the crowd, throw myself at his legs and make googly eyes with him. He tries to kick me away, but I won’t leave him alone. The crowd laughs and cheers at the spectacle. When he finishes singing, he pulls me aside. Me: Did I embarrass you? Bruce: No, but you embarrassed yourself! And, if you ever steal my thunder again, I’ll beat you. EXAMPLE #2: Bruce is considerably younger than I am and he likes to remind me of this fact quite often. Bruce: How old did you say you were again? Me: You know how old I am! Bruce: Yeah, but I like to hear you say it. EXAMPLE #3: We’re at a mixed bar. Bruce and I find the same guy attractive, but we don’t know whether the guy is gay, straight or somewhere in between. I make a move before Bruce can. I call the guy over to our table and start talking to him. He seems to be interested in me and this makes Bruce, dare I say, a little bit jealous. Me: [to the guy] You have great lips. I bet you’re a great kisser. Guy: [to me] You’re cute. Bruce: [rolls his eyes] I have to warn you, she [points at me] has oral herpes. EXAMPLE #4: I often think that our love / hate relationship exists because I love Bruce and Bruce hates me. Me: You hate me, don’t you? Bruce: Don’t be silly. Me: No really, the other night, I thought you hated me. Bruce: I didn’t and I don’t. Me: It seemed like it. Bruce: Like what. Me: Like you hated me. Bruce: I don’t hate you. Me: Then why do you act like you hate me? Bruce: [yelling] Gawd! Shut up. I don’t hate you! Me: Seeeee, Bruce, I knew you hated me. Bruce: I do now. Maybe I’m a masochist, but I really like Bruce. He’s a great guy and I’m glad that we’re friends. I enjoy his company and he enjoys mine too ... even though he’d probably never admit that in public.