I Am the Vajayjay of Your Mother

I don’t like being unemployed. I’ve worked ever since I became legally able to work. (First job? 15 years old. Papergirl.) I’m not used to having this much free time on my hands, and I don’t even know how to fill it. Of course, my top priority is to find a new job. The bulk of my day goes to job searching, but I can’t spend every waking hour doing that or else I’ll go crazy and/or get really depressed. Because, the sad reality is this: no matter how many hours you spend job searching today, there’s no guarantee that you’ll have a job tomorrow. So, I look for creative ways to fill my time. Grooming. It’s amazing how many “areas” of the body need grooming. And, if one wanted to, one could spend hours plucking, tucking, waxing, exfoliating, washing, moisturizing, pumicing, massaging and the like. And, believe me: I do. Now my entire body is softer than any 3 month-old baby’s ass. But, I’m still bored. So, I move from the body to the mind. Thinking. I have a lot of time for thinking ... How do I feel about living in New York? Should I go home to Chicago for a brief visit with family and friends? What do I want out of my relationships, in general? What do I want out of my relationships with men, in particular? Maybe it’s time for Boy #2 and me to either shit or get off of the toilet. If so, which way do I want to go? Do I want to cool things down or kick things up a bit? Do I need to see a therapist? Can I afford a therapist? My health insurance runs out in 6 days. Why don’t we have universal healthcare in this fucking country?!?! How much longer can I survive emotionally / physically / financially without a job? How long can the mouse’s homey (homeys, plural?) survive in my apartment eating only a diet of delicious, poison-laced peanut butter? More importantly ... Should I Get a Cat? The English translation of my [fictitious] album, Yo Soy La Chocha De Tu Madre, is “I Am the Vagina of Your Mother”. It’s all about rebirth. Maybe My Unemployment is my time to think about my life, my rebirth, in New York City? Hmmm ... I need a fucking job.