I Gotta Go Pee Pee Dance

What’s the best way to end to an interview? Hop from one foot to the other, do the “I-gotta-go-Pee-Pee-Dance”, and then break into a sprint like a crazed lunatic. That’s how. Actually, wait a minute ... let’s rewind so that I can explain. Yesterday. I wake up with laryngitis (i.e. “I couldn’t fucking talk”). I contemplate canceling the interview, but I decide against it. I can do this. To hydrate my throat, I down 2 cups of tea and 5-6 glasses of water before leaving the house. It helps. I arrive at the company. Yada, yada, yada ... I think the interview goes well. When it ends, we say our goodbyes and I head for the elevator. But, then, the tea and water begin to wage war against my bladder. I have to pee. I turn away from the elevator and head back to the company. “Um, excuse me,” I start. “Is there a bathroom in the building?” The Interviewers are like, “yeah ... um ... lemme find the key”.* They start looking for the key and it takes them like, no joke, 5 minutes. Or, at least, it seems like it does. So, I panic. I kind of start doing the 3-year-old-gotta-go-pee-pee dance. I’m shifting from foot to foot, pacing, and generally freaking out. (Slight exaggeration here.) They give me the key. I’m off. I walk down the deserted hall and bump into a random guy who looks like Lurch. I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t know where the women’s bathroom is, so I walk quickly past him. I’ll find it. It has to be here somewhere. I keep walking. I turn down the next hallway. No bathroom. I walk faster. No bathroom. Another turn. Still no bathroom. Now, I *REALLY* have to pee, so I eventually hunch over and start sprinting through the halls like a lunatic. When I find the bathroom, I jiggle the key in the door. It unlocks. I burst into the first stall. But, there is a woman already in there so she starts screaming. I’m like, “sorry sorry sorry”. But, with my voice, it only sounds like, “shour huychk schmaaaa”. I get my shit back together, go to the next stall, close the door, hike up my skirt, drop my yellow panties, plop down and sigh, “ohhhh myyyyy gaaaawwwd!!! This feels so good.” Immediately, I hear the woman in the other stall quickly exit the bathroom. Sheesh … Glad that whole thing is over. But, I have to say—barring the whole Pee Debacle, I think the interview went well. I’ll let you know if anything comes of it. Until then, assume no news on the job front is bad news. Blogging about jobsearching gets kind of depressing. Hmmm ... what else should we talk about these days? Feel free to make suggestions for tomorrow’s post topic. - - - - - - - - - - - * For my non-citydwelling readers ... Why the key? Hallway bathrooms in urban office buildings are often kept locked for security reasons.