Sleepless in the City
I think I’m stressed out. Too much shit on my plate. My social life in New York is going absolutely fabulous. Great (old and new) friends and great dates. So, that’s not the problem. It’s the job thing. It really seems to be falling apart, and I’m starting to worry. I feel like I’ve suffered on that front for waaay too long — a little more than half a year now — and I’m growing weary. I worry about my ever deteriorating credit score. I worry that I’ll be forced to move to a neighborhood that’s a little too far away or a little too unsafe when my lease runs out and I have to move. I worry that my next apartment might have mice, roaches, bedbugs, or all three. I worry that I’ll get a psychotic roommate if I decide to look at 2-bedroom apartments.
I worry that the employer who said that they were going to call me back on Monday (but then didn’t do it *AND* didn’t return my Tuesday phone call) may have decided to hire someone else. I worry that the other employer who recently said that I was a “strong candidate” decided to go with someone that they “knew” instead because I haven’t heard from them in three weeks. I worry that my teeth will fall out because I haven’t been to the dentist. I worry that I’ll get sick because I don’t have health insurance. I worry that Sven is into me but just not *that* into me. I worry that something might have happened to my friend who went back to his homeland for the summer because his “homeland” is Lebanon and I still haven’t heard from him. I worry that I worry too much and I can hear my sister saying, “Stolie, have more faith; everything will be okay somehow. ” And, because of all of these worries and more, I didn’t get any sleep last night.
posted by Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com at 8/09/2006
13 Comments:
Oh, Stolie, I wish I had something to say that didn't sound like it came from a silly "Stewart Smalley" self-help book! Your sister's right about the faith thing, but when things are super difficult, having faith can be really, REALLY hard. I know I keep saying this, but the hard times won't last forever, and I sincerely hope that once this passes (and it will), you'll receive heaps and heaps of wonderful blessings. You deserve it!
10:26
You sound exactly the way I do with regard to the job thing. We both know that something good has to turn up, and meanwhile all we can do is carry on doing the little things we can, such as carrying on searching, applying etc. Hiring us is not within OUR control so if we handle everything within our control, the rest we have to just 'see how it turns out'. Worrying about it will only be a negative, it certainly won't help.
You already know this. The logical rational part of your brain tells you this. But sometimes the emotional irrational part of your brain wins over and especially during moments when you're tired or after something good happens (like a great time with friends) the downer hits, and this seems to be the only thing you can focus on, i.e. worry about. Recognise it for what it is. BE STRONG when that happens and tell yourself "I've done everything I can. I could possibly get hit by a bus tomorrow. That is something beyond my control. So is worrying about the future with regard to what will happen and what I'm going to do. I have to mindlessly carry on, making sure that I do my part with regard to the thngs within my control, and not let myself get depressed or worried by the things I can't do anything about".
You should also know that the lack of success in the job-front so far is NOT your fault, and you shouldn't take it personally. You don't know their reasons for not hiring, but its not a conspiracy (even though it sure feels like one!). If you are not hired it means that they think you're not cut out for the job, and sometimes thats a good thing because you don't want to be in a job that isnt perfect for you. During low moments you feel any job would be good, whether it's right for you or not, but you have to actively brush that aside and focus on the positives. Sorry this is really long but I empathise so much with what you're going through right now I just had try and explain how I try to deal with it! I mean I get a 1st class in my degree and graduate 4th highest in my batch and I'm still having zero luck with this thing!
Hang in there and don't let yourself feel discouraged. It's periods like this in life that we find out the stuff we're really made of.
And now I'll stop sounding like a cheesy cliche movie! Goodluck!
10:33
Hope things get better. Though if you've seen the Happiness Indicator NYC ranks low. It's hard to be happy in this city- the competition for jobs is insane. I see people with 10 years experience applying for positions requiring 5, and people with 5 yrs applying for entry level. Apartment rents vis a vis quality doesn't help either. If it makes you feel better, there are many other of us who feel the same, so you are not alone! btw what line of work are you looking at anyhow?
12:05
You have allot to worry about and while we all know everything will work itself out, sometimes we just have to go with the worrying.
16:21
That's exactly how I get when the stress/worries pile on, and unfortunately I have no advice on how to stop worrying because I haven't figured it out yet either. But I CAN tell you that I am praying for you and you are trying hard so the worrisome situation is not your fault. The fewer worries you have and the more optimistic you are, as hard as it may be, the better your chances will be of succeeding.
Talking about it or writing it down has hopefully helped too - I know for me, it's a good stress reliever.
And it sounds like you have great friends to keep you sane when the going gets tough.
Good luck!
17:13
Be encouraged Stolie!
I'm definitely feeling you on the job front. 4 real.
When I start to get overwhelmed by all the things that are wrong in my life, it helps me to think about all the things that are right. And, the good always, always outweighs the bad. Always.
Keep ya head up. Stay in the game. It's a cliche, but it's true - trouble don't last always.
18:17
I am so sorry that those jobs aren't working out for you. I wish that I could help, but I will cheer you on and tell you that things will work out eventually. In the meantime, I'm gonna say a special prayer that you no only get what you need, but that you have the patience to wait for it to happen. Wait a sec...
Okay. Done.
19:15
Everyone: Thanks for the support and words of encouragement. I had a rough night of tossing and turning, so my day was kind of tough. At any rate, tonight I curled up in my apartment and watched a movie called "Saving Face" and chowed down on an entire pint of New York Super kudge Chunk icecream. I highly recommend both ... Anyway, again, thanks for the encouragement. I hope to be in ligther spirits tomorrow.
21:25
Sorry to hear that you've been having such a crap time of it. I don't have any good advice - what the hell do I know, I work in a callcentre earning wages the size of most people's beer money - so I'm just going to do what I do best and trivialise the situation by telling you that you should've been born a man, because when men can't sleep there's something they can do that really, really helps.
02:58
Hey Stolie,
Look at it this way - you are surviving in a city that'll kick the crap out of you when you're down. Not a lot of people would have the strength or the stamina to do that but YOU ARE! That shows what you're made of.
Struggles are life lessons. They rarely make sense when we go through them but if you pay attention you will look back on them as gifts. Because of what you are going through now you will react or act differently to some situation that you will encounter in the future (near or far) and tha moment will change your life for the better.
Ride the wave and love it for what it is. There's a Sven in there somewhere - you like him, he's kind to you, you're enjoying wonderful times with your friends - ride it for all it's worth. Having opportunities to spend with loved ones are rare when you're working 24-7.
There's always a reason - just start looking for it. Keep fighting and don't be blind to whatever is right in front of you. Worry sometimes makes us miss out on the obvious.
03:12
Jay: I don't know how you do it, but you always put a smile on my face. THANK YOU! :)
Anonymous: Wow, I *really* appreciate your comments!
07:55
Oh hon, sounds like you've been thinking too much. :o( I have been there. Too many times. It's a curse, and unfortunately, it's probably not going to go away. The good thing? The fact that you worry and think so much is once of the reasons why you are so awesome (and have such an amazing, hilarious, addictive blog), so there's your sliver of sun for this cloudy day. As for the job, I was out of work for over 5 months about 4 years ago, and eventually started volunteering my time - for free- and it paid off in a big way (still have the job I got from it). I'm sure you've already thought of it, or are doing this already, but maybe you could explore those options a little more? Hell, if you aren't getting paid anyway, and you aren't doing anything else, it's worth a shot, right? Much luck! I'm pulling for ya!
13:49
Yeah, I did the volunteer thing for a while. It paid off and I got picked up for an extremely short-term gig, but it was great.
Since then and for quite some time, I've been back to the temping thing so there's not really any time left for volunteering. The good news is that the temp gig is paying (some of) the bills and it's keeping me afloat. :)
10:33
Post a Comment
<< Home